But I Digress.

It has been an inexcusably long time since I have regailed you with my lively stories. My apologies. My only excuse is that I had about 4-5 days in a row off, so I had nothing to write about, and then I've been working close to the last two weeks solid, so I've had zero time to write.

Let's see, there's all sorts of little nuggets from the 'mart I could report, but if you'll excuse this little foray into self-examination, I think I'll skip the majority of them. I'm noticing that my life is being more and more consumed by stories of KMart, and I don't want that to happen. It seems like all I do is say things like, "So the other day at KMart . . ." and I refuse to let this job--this excuse for a paycheck--seep into my life and become an acceptable part of it.

On the other side of my life, the part that doesn't revolve around white collared shirts and being infuriatingly chipper no matter what, I'm doing okay. I'm still looking for jobs, and I'm still a little depressed every now and then that nothing's happening on that front, but there's a lot of good in my life right now. Of course, the majority of my free time has been consumed lately with devouring Charlaine Harris' southern vampire series. (Eric--yummy).

What I really need to be doing is writing my play. I've redone Act I, and I need to rewrite Act II so we can workshop it before the end of the semester. Hopefully I'll light a literary fire under my own ass and pen something this week. At least a scene. Maybe more. It's the tricky unwinding-messy-plot point, though, so it's difficult. I'm also worried it won't be long enough, but we'll see on that I guess. Only way to tell is to start writing. I'm hoping that if they do indeed produce it, as the current plan is, that it will get accepted into at least the regional competition. This could be the door that I need to get through to do something besides tell stories about KMart. Once this one is finished, I have the bare bones of a comedy I want to start. Hopefully my humor, which tends to go over the heads of my esteemed coworkers, will translate into an intelligent, witty play.

One can dream. And since the blog is supposed to chronicle my journey through my mundane job, I will offer this bit of funny: (a piece of flair I found on Facebook) "Jesus Saves [when he shops at KMart]."

Deja Vu

The cat urine lady came back and made a layaway payment. I had to go to the bath and body section after she left and smell all the lotions just to get the stench out of my nose and keep me from gagging.

Do you wash your clothes in Windex? Cuz I can see myself in your pants.

Let's be honest here, KMart is no high-end store. We sell cheap crap. Not necessarily bad, because people tend to "need" a lot of cheap crap to stuff their lives full. But anyway, we're a supermarket. Okay? Our clothes are going to fall apart sooner rather than later, and, in the case of my husband, our jeans are going to shrink to resemble capris after one washing.

So, Mr. I-don't-know-what-size-jeans-I-wear, I do not have a tape measure. We are not a men's clothing store. I will not look like I'm assaulting you on the security cameras because you "don't want to go through all the trouble" of trying pants on in the fitting room. I'm very sorry that you are unaware of what size pants you wear, perhaps you could consider purchasing the same size you are currently wearing, as they appear to fit you quite well. Don't know what size those are? Again, I direct you to the fitting rooms.

Please do not stand there and act surprised that a part-time filler in KMART does not carry a tape measure around in order to assist fine, redneck gentlemen like yourself to determine what size pants to wear. If you don't want to try them on, and don't want to buy them unless you know they're going to fit, I'd say you are SOL.

Enjoy your day and thanks for shopping at KMart.